Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're
an astronaught on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the
moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula,
but you just say, "Think again, bat man."
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first
instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what is I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven
or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy.
If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's
okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is
funny.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because
I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
Even though I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit
of freedom. I could walk freely, make my own meals, and even hurl large rocks at their heads. It was only later that I discovered
that they were not Indians at all but only dirty-clothes hampers.
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our
children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets
bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by
a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it
makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there
was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky."
Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the
rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.
Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can
bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen
and it could be like
ambition.
If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger,
screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography,
and the dancers hit each other.
